| Hot summer nights can create a restless longing for company, and single guys and gals seeking love and/or lust have spawned a thriving dating industry. Easily frustrated with cruising for dates at smoky, booze-drenched bars, yet too bashful to approach that delicious stranger hunched over his or her laptop at an area café, singles are manifesting their own dating destiny – and for those trying to hook them up, it’s serious business.
Dating services are answering the demand with convenient and time-efficient methods of meeting people that allow clients to check out a variety of options – in fact, these methods have more in common with shopping than with the traditional one-on-one matchmaking efforts of friends and family.
Local company Six Minute Dates, for example, takes a large chunk out of the guesswork by seating people directly across from each other for quickie meetings. Ten dates of six-minute intervals each give people a chance for face-to-face contact in a time-efficient, convenient format with little pressure. The laid-back introductions also help to ease the potential smart of rejection.
Melanie Jones, host of Chick’s Eye for the Guy’s Guy, a monthly advice show airing on A-Channel’s Big B, says speed dating is ideal for extroverts.
"You get the information that you need," she says. "I need to know if they engage in the world using their brain on a daily basis. That’s important to me," says the spunky 28 year old.
However, she concedes chemistry is vital, and the process can be arduous. "Sometimes, it’s a very, very long six minutes," she says with a laugh. With her attractive figure, funky attire and chestnut hair, dates are not hard to come by. But meaningful connections are few and far between. She refers incredulously to a nameless fellow speed dater who gobbled up the six minutes yammering about himself without asking her a single question.
"In six minutes, or in any first date, it is a skill set. It is small talk. It is extroversion. It is the funny answers and ‘Look how good humoured I am about my singleness – wouldn’t I be a fun lay?’" she quips.
"You’re shopping for a relationship. How effective is that? I don’t know."
After separating from her husband just over two years ago, Jones has been tentatively dipping her toe in the dating pool. On a recent Six Minute Dates night, she was matched with four men. Flattering, but logistically problematic, she says.
"I’ve got four men penetrating my inbox," she deadpans. "All of a sudden, you’re starting to date four people at the same time. It’s very awkward."
Social Opportunities takes a laissez-faire approach to dating. Principal Lara Jean Tierney follows a simple formula: she sets up dinner reservations at various downtown restaurants for groups of three men and three women, based on age, then stays out of it. She says it gives people plenty of room to socialize without the pressure of one-on-one dates.
"You’re the best judge of who you’re attracted to," say the chipper 33 year old. "It may sound contrived, but it breaks down doors. We set up the times, the rest is up to the people at the table."
The idea came to Tierney four years ago when she noticed the taboos surrounding hooking up by the water cooler. A striking woman with a warm demeanour and quick humour, she’s tried both online and speed dating, but is still seeking that elusive cocktail of chemistry, mental stimulation and shared values. She says that even though she meets a ton of men through her service, she can't scoop them up due to what she sees as a conflict of interest, so it’s difficult for her to find available men to date.
"You would think it would be easier, but it’s way harder," she says with a laugh.
Anyone who has ever visited MSN has noticed the photos of impossibly gorgeous people that appear in the ads for Lavalife.com. The screamingly red website promises a bounty of successful, clever, attractive singles for every taste. Three communities – Dating, Relationships and Intimate – offer a buffet of available, interested men and women. Like the people who create them, the profiles represent a cross-section of humanity. The obligatory opening lines from the men range from the achingly pathetic "Love Me" to "I bet I’m cuter than that guy" to "Tired of the single life." The women’s postings tend to be direct, such as "Are you my icing?" or "Looking for my life. Can you find it?"
On a recent Sunday evening, 293 men were logged on locally, likely overwhelming the 168 women. The website boasts more than eight million members worldwide, and not so subtly urges visitors to purchase credits to gain access to all those eligible hotties. Feature articles offer quippy dating advice, and options such as webcam access promise a glimpse of potential mates.
For Neal, a 31-year-old neurobiologist who asked that his last name not be used, Lavalife is simply another means of introduction. His profile is direct, almost scathing at times, and he says it elicits some passionate responses. He’s classically handsome, with chiselled cheekbones, full lips and mussed dark hair.
"About one quarter of my messages are hate mail," he says. "As soon as I understand how people spend money to tell me that I’m an unrealistic, horrible jerk, I will understand women."
Indeed, his profile is rare in that he is not girlfriend-shopping, but looking to expand his social circle. He makes crisp reference to the abundant spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in some profiles, while listing contact yoga as his favourite sport and stem cells and indie folk as hobbies. What really stands out, though, is his ability to look past the exterior.
"I honestly couldn’t care less if a really interesting or quirky woman was 200 pounds or 112. If she’s interesting and I learn something of significance from her, I want to meet her. I respond to profiles without a picture all the time, and I’ve never gone so far as to demand one."
He has met some alluring women, but is determined to stay single while he focuses on his career. Sarcasm drips from his response to what his ideal woman would be.
"After a huge rack, I’d have to say a raging sense of humour." |
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