Dear Josey,

I hope you won’t judge me after reading this letter. I am a 35-year-old man, happily married with two kids. I love my wife, and she loves me, yet I find myself sexually attracted to her sister. Her sister and I love to talk dirty to each other. It is just a game, and we never cross the line. But things started getting out of hand when she stripped for me as part of a private poker game (all in fun and, again, nothing more happened).

I am not sure how my sister-in-law feels, but I dream of her every day and think of how great the sex would be. I do not want a relationship, but I want to get it out of my system. Don’t tell me I am sick or a pervert. I know if we have sex once, it will be the last time, but on the other hand it may not be. What do I do?

In Lust With My Sister-In-Law

Dear In Lust,

Oh, brother-in-law! The fact that you ask me not to judge you or call you sick or a pervert tells me you’re feeling a little guilty. I don’t have to judge you — you’re doing it for me. And I hate to break it to you guy, but talking dirty and stripping naked for someone is something. So don’t tell me nothing’s happened. I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your sister-in-law, but I hardly ever get naked with my brothers-in-law. As far as I’m concerned, you have crossed the line. I can only guess that your wife and her sister aren’t exactly tight for her to do this type of thing. I love the part about you thinking you can get it out of your system by sleeping with her. Like it’s a flu bug or something. What do you think your wife will say when she inevitably finds out? “Oh, I understand, honey. You had to get it out of your system?’’

C’mon, guy. You’re playing with fire. Of course, you can’t stop thinking about having sex with this woman. It’s like french fries. Even if you’re not hungry, you want them. And, as you say, rather than stopping at one taste, you might keep eating until you finish the whole plate. Cool your jets, tell your sister-in-law to cool hers and go figure out why you’re not satisfied with your wife’s french fries.

Dear Josey,

I met this guy in January, and we spend a fair amount of time together (we talk on the phone nearly every day, so clearly he likes my company, right?), but we never seem to do anything except end up in bed together. Sometimes, he’ll rent a movie and bring it over, and very occasionally, we’ll grab a bite to eat, but it hardly feels like dating. How do I know if he is just using me for sex?

Bed Ridden

Dear Bed,

How do you know if he is just using you for sex? Well, I realize that’s a toughie given how completely obvious it is, but let me see. I’d say the odds of you having the makings of a deep, meaningful long-term relationship are, well, a little slim. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you and you for him, but, call me crazy, I think at least some part of dating should occur vertically, possibly even in public. Of course, it could be that he only knows how to express intimacy through sex and may not be capable of expressing his deep love for you any other way, but unless that works for you, I suspect this will wear thin after a little while. In the end, I don’t think your question should be whether or not he is just using you for sex, but instead, can I continue to be involved in a relationship that is based on physical intimacy as opposed to emotional intimacy? If you can’t, you need to get him out of bed and into a chair where you can talk to him about it.

Dear Josey,

I have a problem that has caused me to lose several potential relationships. Whenever I meet a guy and it seems obvious we both want to get to know each other more, I end up giving him the wrong signals and he thinks all I want is a one-night stand. I don’t know what I do wrong, but any tips would help.

One-Night Wonder

Dear One-Night,

Maybe you need to take the “breakfast not included’’ sign down from over your bed. I mean really, what signals do you give that make him think all you want is a one-night stand? Are you one of these people who get freaked out the next morning and suddenly have to be somewhere? Do you hand out condoms at the bar? Tip one seems obvious to me: If you don’t want it to be a one-night stand, don’t sleep with him on the first night. If he still wants to see you again, he’s obviously interested in more than one night. A second nifty tip you might want to try: Tell him you’re not interested in a one-night thing. It’s direct and honest. I know, a strange concept for most of us, but amazingly effective. Try it; you might like it.